Facebook and all it’s social networking and privacy loop holes really means… “No Privacy”… just in case you don’t realize it… take another look and fully realize it. So what’s the good and bad of it? … and what does it mean?
Facebook has become a place where you can no longer express your feelings without having someone, someplace, take offense in what you say… particularly when it involves your feelings or if it involves a particular matter that’s of negative nature. We all have feelings, if you are lucky most of them are good and only a few are bad. Everyone loves to have good feelings and everyone else usually loves to hear about them. Everyone has bad feelings from time to time, usually on influences that are out of your control, and generally for most, expressing those feelings is a good way to get an emotional release… and get you back on track… and possibly get some emotional support from friends. Friends on facebook could be a plus, but unfortunately has a downside. I’m not talking about meanful, malicious, hurtful, statements… just simply expressing your true honest feelings. Now, hear comes the crux… every time you express an emotional feeling of a negative nature there’s usually going to be someone that takes offense at what you say about your feelings. First and foremost, what they usually do not understand is that your feelings are real to you… and probably view it as an attack on them… which usually isn't true. There is a good reason why you feel the way you do… and those feelings are real! Your negative feelings are generally caused directly by someone else or a situation that you are in, that involves several others… so who takes offense at your feelings? Usually the one’s where you strike a nerve, because they in some part, have had some part in making you feel the way you do. They may feel guilty, or more likely don’t want to feel guilty, because they have done something that you feel is wrong, and obliviously they must knowingly feel guilty because they know that their actions, or in actions, have created a situation your negative feelings. So they go on the defensive… usually because they do not want to take the blame, or the responsibility for the situation that made you feeling bad. It could also be that they aren’t even aware of what is really happening and don’t see the complete picture, and take offense at you expressing your feelings that might have a negative impact on them or the situation. Now a caring rational person would realize that most people will have bad feelings from time to time, and the things that cause you to feel this way are very real… and if they realize that you are upset with a situation that they are related to… the best course of actions is to talk and resolve the issues or misunderstandings. More times then not, perhaps human nature or today’s society, very few are interested in resolving the issue… but go on the offense to “combat and squash your feelings” or “force their thinking or will upon you” and make you and others involved think that “your feelings are unreal and unjustified”. Wow… now that’s worth reading again and thinking about. More times then not, perhaps human nature or today’s society, very few are interested in resolving the issue… but go on the offense to “combat and squash your feelings” or “force their thinking or will upon you” and make you and others involved think that “your feelings are unreal and unjustified”. If your feelings go unvented, you will always feel the same negative feelings every time something triggers them. If you express your feelings and vent, then you will no doubt invite a confrontation. If you are lucky, a conversation might ensue, and the matter or cause of your bad feelings will be resolved without on going repercussions…. both parties being happy… issue resolved. Sometimes there is no middle ground, and if a conversation ensues, those involved may never see eye to eye. Two things are left… resolve that you each having different feelings on the issue and you will never see eye to eye ( each is entitled to their feelings ) depart and “let it go”… or open warfare. Perhaps not outright warfare, but more of a covert repeated sneak verbal or written attack that will play out sometime in the future… better known as payback or getting even. Them getting even just because your feelings don’t match theirs… or better put, a vengeful assault against you for not sharing the same belief or feelings. Nations and religions have gone to war because they do not have the ability to resolve an issue or at least resolve to be different and “live and let live”… not forcing one’s views or beliefs upon another. Perhaps that’s why so many have the same problems on a personal level.
So where does facebook play a part in all of this. Well, it’s safe to say that if you ever express your negative feelings on facebook, somehow, someone, somewhere, will take offense at your feelings… and a problem will either knowingly or unknowingly exist. Friends will support you, others will condemn you and put you down and discount what they think are your unjustified feelings… rather than trying to see the issue that created the bad feelings, and resolving the issue. When you have a post… "an exert" of your feelings on facebook, it may not convey the entire picture of how you feel… so be certain that someone is going to not see the whole picture, not fully understand why you feel the way you do, and they will view it as something that puts them in a bad light, an attack on them. They usually only want to control the issue, and not really get to the “cause”… and resolve the issue. If they are in a position of authority or influence, they will play the authoritarian card, I’m in charge, and demand to “control” and squash your voice, which again which may influence others and put them in even a more negative light. A rational caring “people” person will strive to resolve the issue, correct the reason for the bad feelings, foster an atmosphere of understanding, and rather than “controlling” the situation, which doesn’t really solve an problems, (but no doubt forces them to be more covert and underground), but usually causes more underlying problems. When they should have positively resolved the issues, and bask in the renewed positive feelings that will continue to put them into a “good light”... not only with those involved, but all that know about the situation. Hope that makes sense the way I said it. It's much better to change and fix the problem and reap all the positive, then to control and squash the other persons feelings… and have the bad feelings intensify… which will still be expressed, usually in a more discrete manner… not just by the first person, but by all that see that injustice has been imposed. So now, many voices will put them in a bad light… and usually not by simply expressing a feeling, but one that puts the controller in a more damaging and condemning light to everyone else… which is no doubt many more people then were originally involved. It’s a no win situation for both, that doesn’t resolve anything, but only fosters more problems. Only the nearsighted person of influence or authority will think they have won… when they have actually made things worse. It’s like covering a little flame with a blanket… can’t see the fire anymore… but it will develop into a much bigger fire that will cause many more problems and issues, far beyond the original issue… if only they had handled it properly as a caring person.
It's far more beneficial to resolve the issue, respectful of the feelings of others and why they feel that way. You still may not see eye to eye on every detail of the issue, but reach a common ground and understanding, resolving the majority of the issue.
But… this is a best case scenario… and while I’m optimistic that this may be achieved most of the time… it’s sad to say that it may not be true, and a surprise vengeful attack retaliation, when you least expect it, is somewhere in your future… where honesty and integrity have no part… not to mention a lack of conscience. Please don’t take this the wrong way… but it’s usually the one’s that shout righteousness at the top of their voice… that usually have the most deceitful demeanor. Sometimes it’s hard to see the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Believing that most can’t be trusted… I try not to go down that path… I still look for the good in folks… but sometimes with great disappointment and sometimes consequences. So it is with guarded optimism that I believe people when they say they are being truthful and honest… hoping to be proven right in giving my trust in them… but always mindful that they could be deceitful, and myself and others will suffer at the hand of their selfish ways.
So the moral of this entry? Well… my advice… I’d personally continue to express my feelings (but maybe not on facebook). (1) They are real, and caused by real situations usually created by others. Expressing them and “venting” gives you a chance to re-examine the issue and emotionally heal from the bad feelings. (2) It may lead to a resolution of the issue if a conversation and a meeting of the minds and emotions is possible. (3) It may save a personal or working relationship from going deeper down the path from which there is no return. (4) And most important, your real friends will always be there to support you.
Facebook reveals a small bit of info to many people about how you feel. When it’s something of a negative nature, others will not see the whole picture. Nor can they see your demeanor or intent. It’s left open to their possible misinterpretation, which unfortunately will usually be the case. It sometimes opens the wound to allow for a conversation and resolution of the issue, and a understanding and healing… but mostly… it has the potential to just lead to nothing but problems. I like to look for the good in people, but am sometimes a realist, and know that too many others look for the bad, expect the bad, see the bad, become defensive, then take the offense, and become malicious and vindictive… and that doesn’t solve anything… only creates more bitterness that feeds upon itself.
Facebook is more or less like telling the first person a story, and by the time it gets to the tenth person the meaning and intent of the story is lost or misconstrued. Sometime’s it’s not only a small venting of a bad feeling, but also more or less a “call” for someones moral support and help. That’s what a “bit” of information on facebook is like to… it doesn’t convey the whole story… so it’s easy for someone else to not fully understand what you said, why you said it, or what was your demeanor and intent. I’d imagine a “Tweet” is even worse… which in some facebook entries, they amount to little more than a “tweet”... something easily misunderstood.
So if I don’t post anything but “roses” … just know there’s also some thorns that I’m just not writing about. Sometimes it’s just best to leave the thorns alone… still knowing that they are there… but just enjoy smelling the roses. Thorns seem to cluster together… somewhere down below… and the roses rise to the top. Play with the thorns and eventually you will get stuck. Think I’ll stick to the roses at the top. At least for a while.
While this is just my thoughts on the topic… it just might help someone else… before they get really stuck by the thorns!
Yall have a great day!
