A friend of mine got me thinking….
Things my parents taught me:
About Religion - “You better pray that comes out of the carpet.” (my mother) Kinda of a 50/50 tossup thing… sometimes I guess God had better things to do then save my butt.
About Logic - “Because I said so that's why.” (both parents) Kinda an absolute thing… do not question.
About Irony - “Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about.” (both parents) Kinda of a “For sure thing”
About Wisdom - “When you get to my age you'll understand.“ (my father) Would have been easier for him just to tell me.
About Justice - “One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you.” (my mother) Now you know the rest of that story
About Women - “If I only knew then (when I was younger), what I know now” (my father) 100% true!!!
About Punishment - “Don’t run, It only makes it worse” (my mother saying, my father chasing) also 100% true.
About Food - “You’re gonna sit there until you eat it all” (Liver & Onion night, as well as many others) is it bedtime yet?
About Advise – When you’re young… older folks always give you advise you’ll never take
So, what did I learn from all of this?
Religion – It’s my carpet too, so I’ll have to clean it, replace it, or live with it. Living with it it never a good option.
Logic – If it sounds good to me… that’s all that matters…. period! Nuf said!
Justice – Justice is indeed blind. Applies to everything.
Advise – You try just like your parents… give good advise to kids that will never be taken. Naturally!
Food – I can pretty much eat what I want… whenever I want. Life is sweet. but 20 pounds heavier.
Punishment – Probably not enough of it today… kids are out of control. Spanking not allowed? … oh… please… A Time Out”
Wisdom – Eventually you learn how to avoid trouble…. eventually…. mostly…. sometimes. Hopefully.
Women - Once you “know it”… it’s usually too late to do anything about it! Now matter how you look at it!
Irony – Once you “know it” … and then get out of it…. you’ll still do the same thing over and over again… with the same results. Then…some how think that would turn out differently. Go figure. Relationships 101
This next part is for MENS EYES ONLY…. so all wives please read no further. Thank you.
And in a strange turn of events… much to the dismay of husbands everywhere…. wives, when mad, have discovered that their long coveted practice of giving us the silent treatment, when they are mad, is playing exactly into our wishes… it’s now “never quit talking about it” that is being deployed as the number one tactic… usually coupled with a small bit of hopeful silence just to lull husbands into a false sense of security… before the barrage of talking starts again… which is finally broken when we get out of our easy chair, turn off the Tv, go outside a do something. Or maybe we are just too far away to hear it anymore. Here’s a hint guys… there should always be a visible written list… make sure it especially includes all the “little things” that have been piling up. It’s usually good for you to make a list… she’ll add to it… be maybe not as much as if she had written it from scratch. Wishful thinking, I think. Start doing the little things first… cross then them off as you complete them with a red marker, so it’s easy to see that you are making good headway. A little “whew” and a bit of sweat (or water) on the forehead & brow helps with the “whew” thing. An occasional “slight dizzy spell” will earn you a little rest… as will the back ache, headache, knee hurts, leg hurts, or I’m short of breath thing… but don’t over do it. Laying on your back while fixing something is always a good source for resting while working… <CAUTION> … just don’t get caught falling asleep… and if you do there’s always the “I guess I didn’t sleep too good last night thing”. Never use the same excuse, scratch that… never use the same “reason” too often… remember, the wife’s memory is much longer than yours. CRS is now viewed as an “excuse”… and while sometimes completely valid… it is still no longer accepted. You can always “try” to be smarter, plan ahead… make your own list (kinda like the old saying that I rather find something to do, look busy, rather than being told what to do). But even this will come under suspicion after a while. Another good thing… when the wife is working around the house… it’s always… ALWAYS… a good idea for you to go find something… anything… to do or fix… ( and not just sit in front of the Tv or Pc )…. and try to avoid the entire “mad/can’t quit talking/silent treatment thing”. By the way… Let me know how that works out for you.
My wife / his wife…. you read it didn’t you… you were suppose to stop at the top… but you read it anyway… shame on you. Now what do we do? Guess it’s back to the praying thing… yep, I know… 50/50 … and he has better things to do.
